Peter and I met Phyllis the evening that we moved into our home at 239 Auburn Road. We were young newlyweds, and she offered us a cup of coffee to welcome us as neighbors. We declined on the coffee (too tired), but said "Yes" to Phyllis. For me, it was the beginning of relationship with a woman I loved for 26 years. For me, she is a reminder of a sweeter and simpler time in life, and a woman who was truly grounded. She loved her Jewish faith and was proud of it. We loved lighting the shabbat candles with her on Friday evenings and listening to her say the prayers in Hebrew; we learned the importance of sundown and she made sure that I arrived on time! I will always remember how she honored her parents. Too numerous to count are the times that she told me that she had the best mother in the whole wide world. The kindnesses of her mother were ones that she not only remembered and appreciated, but ones that truly sustained her and gave her a sense of self-worth. Over and over again she told me about her Daddy who never came in the door after a day's work without a little package for her. His daily gift of candy for his little girl continued to put a smile on her face into old age. She admired her brother Lester. When it came to playing the piano, she would explain, "they could stop me, but they couldn't stop him". And nothing brought her more joy than her very own children. Martha and Joe, Martha and Joe.... She talked about them with such affection and worried about them incessantly. Shortly after having my first daughter, Carrie, she sprung the good news on me. "You will never have a worry free day again in your life" she said. And she was right! I remember how she worried about Martha driving back to Boston and waiting for a phone call from her when she returned home safely. She worried about Joe too, but then again, she was never shy about expecting a lot from him! She was able to depend upon him to visit her weekly at the Hebrew Home and Hospital. She loved her grandchildren Anya and Molly and Ben; the way that she pronounced their names said volumes about the depth of her love for them. She loved children. She recognized their intrinsic worth, and delighted in them. She talked about her work with children at Quaker Lane Nursery School as if it were yesterday and she embraced my own daughters so warmly. She had no patience for "stupid" people and would tell you so! Never again will I meet a person who was so eager to call the fire department if she had a problem or so empathetic that you could almost see her "put on armor" as if to shield herself from feeling your pain. Phyllis was so many things, wrapped up in one beautiful package! She opened her door first thing in the morning as if to welcome you. She was always dressed and wearing her signature pearls, which I believe were given to her by her beloved Abe. She cared about fashion and shopped for nice clothing. She loved the way that Martha dressed. She always reminded you that she had a Mom who used to make her clothing for her and that you would never see her "without a needle in her hand". She had "girlfriends", and many of them were lifelong friends from her early schooldays in Hartford. She told you about all of them with the classic stereotypes of the "pretty one", the "smart one", etc. and she was not interested in making any new ones! She literally plumped the cushions of her couch every day, readying it for your visit. You could just "stop over" to see her; you never needed to call and ask if you could visit, and upon entering, she always sat in her chair and gave you all her attention. Her home had warmth and character and she genuinely loved seeing you. I remember the photographs on her wall that were not placed there as decorations. Each one came with an important story to tell of individual struggle or success, and most of all, those were her "people". She loved the flowers that Russ would send and she allowed them to make her feel special. I could go on forever telling of the ways she has impacted my life. There was a time about five or six years ago that it occurred to me that she would not always be here, and I wondered how I would carry on without her! Now I realize that she is with me all of the time, that in fact she is part of what has shaped me. Every time I say "And how!" or "Please" or "Evidently", it is Phyllis speaking. When I have a problem, it is Phyllis reminding me that "This too shall pass". I love her with an abiding love, and I thank Joe and Martha for sharing her with me. When I go to the cemetery today I will place a rock on her grave as she taught me to do in her beautiful Jewish custom, but I promise that I will never "bury" her. And I will treasure the way that she ended her phone conversations with me; "I love you, honey." God bless Phyllis, and my deepest sympathy to all of her family. Love, Laurie Schwartz
